Got busy with work, kids, shitty job, and then more shitty job....stopped for a moment for a mini vaca in Schulenburg...I won't be fulfilling the 50,000 for NaNoWriMo.....I will be lucky if I hit a 1/2 point and that's with all night crammers tonight and tomorrow...and a few snuck in lunch times....I just cannot find time and when I do its spent sleeping....so precious and so few....
But I did keep up with one thing and that's this challenge my Aunt Carolyn had me do on Facebook....try and post something new each day of November you are thankful for in your life.....
I thought I would share the days until thus far...some are short, some are sweet, some are wtf-shake-your-head reading, but fun nonetheless.
Here it goes....
Day 8: My creativity I inherited from my father. Strangely, it may also be the source of my hightened sensitivity, and inability to focus on one thing at one time, but also the main source of my existence and what kept me going even when I have wanted to throw in the towel. From late nights painting, sewing, hot gluing, writing twisted stories to finding the perfect butterflies for those cupcakes I stayed up until 3 am to bake. The fantasies playing out in my head do not always come to fruition, but by God its my own ability to shock the hell out of myself with them that is the wonderment....the phenomenon. That I know my potential and what I am capable of creating and it frightens the shit out of me sometimes bc who can say they have found that??? Lets hope I don't squander it...
Day 9: for my opportunity to play the best role of my life yet: mommy. for the amazing ability to give life to two creatures who make my heart catch in my throat and my breath choke in my chest when I see their faces....the giggles, the smiles, the tears, the sticky fingers poking me in the face, the wailing of that single word that can break me when shouted in fear or pain....their faith and b...elief that I am some super caped avenger whose PB&J and cache of bandaids will heal all problems...the fact that watching Cars for the 3rd time in a day or reading the same book every night of the week is a rush that no drug can give because those things are the entire world to the little person snuggled in my lap....that they do not realize the magnitude of how their love has completed me as a person. that having them in my life isn't just better for them, but for me because it made me human in a way I cannot explain..that the life that came spilling out of me has given me purpose in my life I never had before and that I know I will never be the best they deserve....but they love me anyway.
Day 10: Only fitting since its the birthday of the Marine Corps...my Grandpa retired Col. Edward L. Bale, Jr.
a cantankerous son of a bitch who may not always know whats right even if he thinks he knows..who is never ever ever wrong....and sometimes can forget its 2011 and not 1950 and not in a senile dementia or Alzheimer's kinda way....who can be unfair and unequal in who he spoils or takes up... for and you never know who it will be except that it is never you...who constantly nags because in some twisted way he thinks this will make us all see the potential he sees in us, and perform better than the half ass job we are doing now...who despite this taught me how to play poker using salami and Danish sugar cookies.....who would take us to Baskin Robbins for "lunch" and not tell Grandma.....who was able to give my sister and I the opportunity to see some of the most amazing places the good ole U.S.A. has to offer when others don't ever leave their hometown....who has this amazing weakness for my two kiddos and the melted chocolate in their pockets is proof....who is hip enough to keep up with the technological advances of our time when I'm still working on my 30gb classic ipod.....who is stoic when taking care of my grandma even if she doesn't always remember who he is or where she is..who has lived long enough to be able to tell my daughter about Prohibition, the Depression....all these things he experienced first hand, an experience my daughter will never get from any text book...because without him I wouldn't have the awesome mom I have now with warts and all....who served his country not because he had to, but because he wanted to in WWII, Korea and Vietnam.....and because he doesn't look a day over 75 and can still kick our asses if we need a kicking!
Day 11: to be an American. to live in a country where the freedoms afforded me exponentially enrich my life, and allow me to express who I am as well as live my life as I see fit without persecution. to live in a democracy when even when we make the mistake of voting a moron for president there is the hope and comfort that in the next election we can do better. to live in a country where my religion, my beliefs, my thoughts, my lifestyle is not dictated by a tyrant. where I am fortunate to have a job, a roof over my head, pink flamingos and a cross in my own damn yard. where we all have the ability to achieve what we want and social classes are not restricted by birth or lineage. where a beggar on the street could have been a Vanderbilt, and the family behind that gate once lived in a shelter...nothing is without its flaws, but in comparison to the alternative, I am pretty damn excited and proud to check that box of U.S.A. as my country....now if only more Americans would take the time to appreciate what they have earned in their life instead of what they haven't been handed out...
Day 12: respect I now demand for myself. the worth I now realize I possess bc I reclaimed it and will never let someone steal again. no amount of vicious words, fists or broken faces and bruised hearts will make me powerless again. my voice is louder and I'm not running but standing my ground, blood and all, yelling out that I AM HERE GODDAMN IT in the place I made and not the one you forced me into. What now, bitch?
Day 13: Chester, Lady, Clarence, Sugar, the original Zeebo, Timothy, Taz, Goldie, Penny, Alpo, Mouse, Boots, FGB aka Foggy Bottom, TW aka Tiger Woods, and Tinker....and scores of other smaller rodents, fish, frogs, and animals my sister and I dragged home to feed, love and otherwise unknowingly terrorize when dressing in doll clothes, pushing in a pram. who were faithful companions offering their... unconditional love and friendship when other children might not. the soft touch of a paw, a wet nuzzle of nose, the way they could sense when we had a bad day, and settle themselves in just the right spot that we lost our sorrow in them and inevitably did not want to move from our spot...most time because they were draped across our lap...who didn't mind letting two little girls ride on their backs, carry them around the yard in a bonnet, tease with a cord of elastic with a bell attached...each one had a distinct personality that set them apart, and that only made us love them that much more....because I have known better furry companions than people, and they offered me love and solace at times when no one else could...because sadly this "family" forged is not protected, they have no voice and no rights in a world where they are abused, tortured, neglected, and tossed away like trash...most times quite literally.... because today it makes me appreciate and love even more the annoying strands of hair left on my pants and shirt, the chewed slippers, and little rodents left on my porch reminders of some thing more important than myself...
Day 14: for my soul and conscience. because even in all the years I chose to make horribly ignorant or destructive decisions, I knew the difference between right and wrong...because I may curse, scream, and be judgmental, and as a general rule do not make friends easily...because I not only hurt myself, but others and to this day not a day goes by where I do not recount my sins, and recgonize wha...t I have done wrong...because all and I still know I am a good person...maybe with misguided intentions at times, and maybe wrapped in a pretty bitter, angry ball of resentment, but I would give my last $20 to the man on the corner if I hadn't already given it to my Shark and Hammer...because I am a fierce friend even when those friends are not.... because I give 110% no matter what even when I know the outcome is failure....because I never knew I had one until I lost it
Day 15: the dollar I have in my pocket. because its a dollar I didn't have yesterday and might not have tomorrow. and for today I know my children will be fed, clothes on their back, and roof over their heads. because it reminds me that you can have it all, and then nothing.....because it keeps me humble and lets me realize the important things in life cannot be bought....and I have to learn to be resilient, and depend on myself because you cannot expect a handout...because I worked my ass off for that dollar and will be damned if someone else will take it. (channeling Buckwheat) because I've got a dollar, I've got a dollar, I've got a dollar, hey, hey, hey.
Day 16: I can sleep tonight because I still don't know your name....because I cannot put a face to a name or a name to face I do not know and it makes it easier for me to live with myself...because when you stepped in front of my car you irrevocably reversed the course of my life and yours. because no matter how much I blamed myself, it was your ignorance that put my Charlotte at risk, that shake...d my foundation and my faith in humanity....because of you I lost sleepless nights, friends, dignity, and was debilitated from fear for quite some time.....because now I am more aware of my surroundings than I ever have been before, and my daughter will remember that day for the rest of her life....so she always holds my hand when we are going through a crosswalk and never until we are supposed to....because I am here and you are not....because I am not sorry I do not know your name because it makes it easier for me to get up in the morning....
Day 17: the little patience I try channel.giving me the serenity to accept the changes I cannot change even though it doesn't dampen my ability to want to slap some people silly and then for making my hand hurt. for being able to withstand those meltdown on the toy aisle or at the mall or at least until car.to be able to nod and smile at them when they just got down gossiping.the sigh I heave bc he isn't worth it.
Day 18: that my children look nothing like me because they are BEAUTIFUL...the way they each have a distinctive grin and the mischieviousness in their eyes....the cute little freckles they share on the bottom of their left foot.....the endless blue of eyes that look at me with welling tears when they feel defeated drowns me....the soft strands of blonde that shine like gold in the summertime....I am blessed to have given birth to such breathtaking creatures...because I am forever in awe...plus I don't have to tie a porkchop around their necks to get the dog to play with them...
Day 19: my heart is still beating....means I'm here for another day....far better cry than 11 years ago when I couldn't decide or care enough if I was coming or going...because I have something to wake up for today if even only for today and is wonderful. I am more lucky than I deserve and I'm going to enjoy this moment now.
Day 20: the written word...and I'm not talking about the Bible...the written English language I devour in books, newspapers, blogs, plastered fliers to my car....I am a ravenous reader, and cannot imagine my life without books...blessed with parents who were able to give me the greatest gift a parent can, an exemplary educational foundation to build and grow on...to expand by self-education and school...to ignite a fire in me, in my head that can only be extinguished by the words flowing from my pen or computer...with those first few words, they opened my eyes, my mind and my heart with a book..
