I mean how can I call this Rambling of an Ovary when said ovary has been silent....coincidence that I was over a week late and ovulated twice this month? Probably a little TMI but then something tells me the silence of my womb mirrors the silence of my mind....
That being said, its time for me to get back into the saddle and get my groove back, my mojo, if I ever had any...and I am talking about the charismatic and witty flow of my ingenius postings, comments, and otherwise spectacularly cool diatribes...I seem to have lost it in these recent weeks and I have stuck up those annoyingly grainy lost posters all over town to no avail....so here's to hoping it can make its way back to me.
I want to preface what is about to follow with a couple of things. A) I adore, love, would kill, maim and completely eviscerate those who harm my children, and would sail the 7 seas, walk at a fat girl pace through fire for them. B) regardless of what I write, what I say, I am genuinely a kind person who absolutely craves, needs people to understand me and they cannot or choose not to and sometimes it because otherwise problematic especially in my professional life.
That being said Charlotte and I have had a somewhat rocky past few weeks....further disappointment from 1/2 of her DNA donor, followed by doctor's visits, and then a grueling Lemonade Day and she and I both need a vacation from the life that is ours......Like this mini vaca with fun mani/pedi and lots of girly giggling and cuddling and movie watching.....but then there is the fact we would have to come home at some point and that is the problem.
Sometimes I wonder if its not the geography of it, but rather the fact that I cannot change who I am and that seems to be a resounding echo in my personal and professional life as well as my head. Not in a crazy I hear voices, although I admit I sometimes talk to myself, but in a self degradation kind of way where I hate myself, loathe myself, and yet blow myself away sometimes with what I can do. Like I learn to set the bar low, so when and if I succeed I am able to relish in it even more.
Don't get me wrong, I have flaws, I am learning to accept those flaws, and now I am learning to even embrace them.See, I strive everyday to be the best mother I am able to be. That may not be gauged as the best mother to some or reach some marker that is set by textbook standards, but its my personal best, and I give it my 210%, I give it my all. And sometimes, just sometimes, it is grueling, backbreaking sweat work that leaves me simply drained....too drained to even keep my commitments to my family, my children, myself...I keep the ones to my job because its the bread and butter and we would starve otherwise.
So in a nut shell the past month saw Charlotte raise $384 for charity which she selflessly gave away to a homeless shelter and a homeless veterans program....it saw Max putting sentences together....and repeating holy shit from his father. We know I am not the culprit because he hasn't said fuck....that being said he graduated out of ECI services and is doing better at school. I still have vowed not to cut his hair and it flows like golden hippy locks around his cute chubby face....and what a chub he has become....
Charlotte is away at her first week at church camp and loving from what I can see from the pictures online from camp.....she has gotten TONS of mail even from my father and she is going to make tons of friends...how can she not with such an infectiously sunny personality?!! She doesn't get it from me...She made it out of the 3rd grade with stellar grades, and is moving on the 4th and is a little nervous and yet stoked. As class parent I compiled a classroom cookbook that kicked ass! It rocked! I stole the idea from another mother and stripped it down to the basics to make it my own. Instead of fancy schmancy recipes I decided I would have each parent submit their favorite kids recipe. Totally worth it....despite some lazy ass parents who didn't give a shit it was awesome! And cute as all get out. Gloating aside, the teacher cried, the kids autographed it for her, and it will be a keepsake for the books for her. And me. Gave me a slew of ideas for family stuff and gifts...
So I took a vow of veganism for the summer and have been cheating...I hate to admit it, but my affair with cheese is getting our of control and I need to reign myself in and break it off.....I mean I am going to lose the last 20 lbs I want to, I am going to go back to feeling good and by God I miss that goddamn glow I had in lieu of this spotty, oily combo skin due to humidity and bad hair.
That being said, I have decided to burden my plate with yet another project....One I hope will skyrocket to the moon so I can quit my job....which since i last left you has only become a tad more intolerable, but less detrimental to my mental health....due in a large part because I don't give a fuck.
So what is this new idea you ask? You didn't? Well-I am going to tell you anyway. I have begun using a ecological-vegan-cruelty free mineral makeup out of Oregon...heard about it on The Kind Life blog...tried it and loved it. Found something so amazing for my skin I could go on and on and on but I am not a pusher..at least not if I don't get paid. Anyway-I ran out and had to order more. Its fairly cheap in comparison to makeup counters and Sephora etc. but the shipping is what kills. So I Googled to find a store, boutique, anything with this line of makeup. NOTHING IN TEXAS. Can you believe that? Not even at Whole Foods Market where they'd jack the price up even more and steal my wallet and pension at the same time. Nope. Not even commericalized hippy hell has it.
So I started brainstorming and thinking and researching. I have not been able to find a "green" makeup store that carries facial products and bath products and different lines of makeup. I thought even further and got to thinking I could carry hemp clothing or eco friendly hand crafted fair trade clothing along with conflict free artisan jewelry....long story short, the Green Man's Daughter is born. And if any of you fucking jack that name before I register it I swear to the gods I will hunt you down and kill you. Maim you. Poke your eyeballs out. and maybe even gut you.
On top of all this stuff the most exciting personal tidbit I left out....I am going to get to interview and write a piece for the second issue of Act Badd!!!!!!!!!! Totally stoked...something about seeing your name in print is so glorifying and ego stroking.....def beats a good piece of chocolate cake and sex.....ok, so maybe not the cake, but close!
I know this was short, but I will do more later....I PROMISE, I SWEAR-I have to...my mom's been bugging me about it because she doesn't have shit to read in the car in the morning....(and obviously she isn't doing the driving if you all just read that and had a panic attack looking for some woman in Guatemalan pants in the EZ tag lane, Kindle in hand, eyes diverted....)
I leave you with a fortune cookie I found in the bottom of my purse on a day I especially needed this mass produced with lotto numbers included affirmation:
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