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Monday, February 6, 2012

18 hour bras supporting my sanity...

This past weekend was blah...kind of a nothing worth writing about because I really didn't manage to accomplish anything at all....just a skid mark in the pants that is my life...

So what pray tell did I do with my time that left such a stinky awfully brown stain?  Saturday started out with me and my pimp slapping arm and hand rightfully sore, along with a defeated sense of letdown because I failed to accomplish the one thing I had promised a good friend I would do....and not from lack of time, or lack of effort....just a plain fucking lack of having anything worth writing....It's as if I need to rely on prompts to make anything I write worth reading, and even something as simple as a cover letter has proved to be a feat even I cannot accomplish....

And thus there I was Saturday, in the pouring rain and breezy cold, sitting at my mother's chowing down on some delicious cheese dip and chips and mooching some t.v. time, officially headed into the land of fucking off, and leaving behind the world of damn confident and productive....maybe it was the weather, maybe it was failure, maybe it was the 5 loads of laundry I was too lazy to drive to the laundry mat, and instead chose to actually wash myself for once....only to be reminded why the hell I hate washing and folding laundry to begin with!

So there I sat, vegging, stealing O2 along with my taxable dependents on my mother's couch for an entire day...venturing out just long enough to round of the last minute items for the Maxx's first day of official big boy school....and I was so lazy I didn't even have the ah-ha moment where you cry and breakdown because you realize they're growing up etc etc that I had with Sharkie.....it was just a Christ-I-have-to-label-this-shit with-permanent-marker-frown, and a rushed shopping list of last minute lunch items I didn't get around to buying until Sunday nite sans kiddos and husband.

At the Blue Roof aka IHop we ended our soggy Saturday with omelette's and Mac and Cheese...and I went home to hope I would wake up in a better mood than Saturday....And hoping I get to wake up to my husband who poured himself into bed late from a Houston Zoo event...who told me last minute he was going to open the next morning also.....on a bitchy whiny side note, why is it that he gets the coolest jobs, really??? I mean first HOB and all the free concerts, Willie, B.B. and Hootie, and now cool swanky events with food and shit....I need to make sure I get a job like that in my second life...because Lord knows I'm pretty much screwed with the one I have now.....

Then I woke up to the same shitty weather as the rest of Houston and the better portion of the surrounding counties....and realized why I hate living in Texas sometimes...to second guess going to the zoo day we had planned, the store trip I had to make, and then the subsequent wrangling of the kiddos to baths and bed....hell, I didn't even have the emotional energy to want to get out of bed because I feared the Monday waiting for me, and another swollen hand from trying to bitch slap it....but alas, I get pokey finger in the eye, and an almost 9 year old actually acting less like Linda Blair and more like Hayley Mills, and I said fuck it, and hopped my ass out of bed....

granted I went sans bra in a ratty flannel and sweats, but I showered AND brushed my teeth....and scooted my big lard butt into the kitchen to whip up some eggnog French toast, eggs and juice....and after a delightful giggly breakfast complete with chortles and covert egg feeding of the cat, I decided these moody blues needed to stay what they were...an old person's concert with a bad ass band where people 50 and older found it acceptable to partake in some reefer....

No, I kicked those blues like a bad habit...ok, like some bad habits because I haven't been able to kick the f bomb or shit or anything vulgar or tacky...but I kicked the blues like a red-headed step child and decided to even put on some makeup, and decent clothes....and a BRA! I stood at the door like the Gestapo and the minute my hungover, sleep deprived husband who hit the door at 12:47 pm, I had him in the shower, clean clothes, and wagon and tote with snacks packed and on the road at 1:20 pm.....

and this time we didn't forget to load the kids.....so off we went to the zoo where for once we found parking near the front, and the kids got to take their times at each exhibit....granted we were all bundled up like Eskimos, and it meant no sno-cones or Dippin Dots....but it was an amazing outing all the same....

One that motivated me to do that last minute shopping, OCD-like label ALL of Maxx's stuff, and get it packed and organized for school and all of Shark's notes and planners signed, initialed and ready to go...clothes laid out and rooms clean....shit, I even made homemade pizza for dinner even!

With time to spare too....because I looked around and it was 8:16 pm and all my minions were asleep...and I had the whole TV to myself....and I had just enough time to catch half an episode of First 48 and I was out too.....

And thus the cycle started again, and at 6:00 am I was laying there this morning realizing it was the day...the day my son would start school, and all that money I felt like I was about to start hemorrhaging was about to pay off.....maybe he would make friends, maybe he would develop better articulation skills, maybe he would gain more structure and become more disciplined....Hell, I just lay there and hoped maybe he would stop beating his damn head....I cannot put him in a helmet until college....unless he plays football, but something tells me he's too short....but we'll see...

Fast forward through a highly productive morning complete with breakfasts, and kisses and hugs, and there we were taking the longest, hardest drive of my life....and it was at that moment after pulling every toy he could get his hands on, and he turned and saw me headed to the door that my heart skipped a beat with the start of his cries....which I could still hear 10 minutes later, down the winding hallway, past the front office...

No one can deny both my offspring inherited the family lungs....but the gushing of a river, the Hoover Dam cracking, and Niagra Falls commencing....none of it came.

And I sat there in my car, confused, scared, worrying does this mean I am cold hearted, am I indifferent? Or is that I am learning to cope with things better than I used to, and I can see the ups instead of just the downs?  that I learned this weekend my survival is contingent on my ability to live, and my living needs to include not just the week, but everyday.....that I have to exert control over the weekdays and weekends before they get the best of me....and that everything can be accomplished if I have the right state of mind, the right pep in my step...and the right bottle of wine to sip on late at night after the house is hushed....

And the patience to accept that what I don't get to today will be there tomorrow. Hey, there's only 24 hrs in a day and a girl's got to have her beauty sleep, right? Ok, maybe not beauty because 20 minutes on my hair this morning and I still sit here looking like Medusa...but at least I have lipstick on.....

Any way-I guess its a lot like my attitude about work....What I don't get done today will still be sitting on my desk tomorrow....only at home its not a desk, but my 2 year old sitting on the kitchen table covered in markers which he's used like Picasso over the top and 3 chairs...its late nights with hot glue and feathers, cookie baking, and crusts cut off....and if I don't get to it today....well, it will be there tomorrow at 6 am, coming to poke me in the eye...yet again...

Here's to your poke in the eye today...and having the strength to live today complete with bra and all.







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