so being cranky, ill rested, and spending the rest of the night tossing and turning worrying about the almighty dollar and budget cuts, I now lay here exhausted as all hell and have no motivation to get out of bed....for one moment I think to myself, aw it's my day off, but then I glance over at my night stand and am reminded by the jury summons staring back at me its not really a day off at all....
No, this morning I have to get my ass out of bed, put on something at least somewhat presentable and haul my ass downtown....to sit for an endless amount of questions...which yes, I support the death penalty, and no I don't think sex offenders are rehabilitated...and all to earn $6.00 fucking dollars which doesn't even pay for the gas it took to drive down there or find a parking spot....plus the meter and all that.....I mean-come on! really? And then there's even the possibility I go and get there and they (they being the wonderful Harris Co. DA's office) have already got the defendant to take a plea deal or something of that nature....and then its "ok we don't need you, bye-bye"... talk about a great way to spend a day not being at work....I'd take that cramped cubicle with all my horrid confessions about my lowly job any day....
But in reality, all snarkiness aside, I'm scared shitless I am going to fuck it up....that I will get there late because I cannot find a parking space....or I walk into the wrong court...or I fill out my summons incorrectly....or that I answer a question a certain way that horrifies the other unfortunate citizens around me....or God forbid I actually get chosen and end up sitting there for days on end....fingers crossed that will NOT be me.....can you imagine having to be quiet for days and listening to others.....
Maybe it's me being afraid that this officially is the day I can viewed as an adult, as a citizen, as someone who is now an active member of society....I had been holding out and hoping it would be something far more dramatic like being commemorated for saving kids from a burning house, saving a ton of trees or historical landmark from a bulldozer, feminist rights and all that....and instead here I am feeling like a citizen simply because I got some slip in the mail to appear.....
Is that all it takes nowadays for me to feel accepted? To feel as if I belong to something? An invitation (really a kindly worded demand in this case) to participate in something to feel validated? Jesus-that is one sad sad realization about my little life today.....
Or is it just that I thought the whole idea of having the opportunity to be the jury of one's fate albeit a parking fate or jay walking fate would be dramatic more solemn....like Law&Order:SVU with Ice-T in the gallery and the defendant some scumbag who stares at us glaring....Or is it that I wished it sounded that much interesting because I'm about to experience a shock when I find out its boring and pointless as hell? Or that I was about to enter with this whole jovial skip step thinking I was part of a bigger picture of our fair and just judicial system when really nothings fair, just and sometimes that fate is one that judicial system has already decide behind closed doors.....
So what started out as rant about a wasted day off, a day without work still having to get up at the crack of dawn, has now turned into a half cocked attempt at a political rant without meaning to.....its just really? I'll let you know how my venture into the big adult world goes....maybe I will get to send a scumbag to jail....or at the very least see one of those detectives I always see on the First 48...huge fan...
I feel my aching bones, saggy tattoos and droopy skin and all, beckoning me to the shower.....and Little Linda Blair is stirring....gotta watch out for that splatter....until my next titillating post....go out and do your civic duty....Save some trees, sign that petition and walk that march.....and don't ignore that jury summons! I hear they can arrest you.....although I wouldn't mind if it was Toutaola...or maybe Stabler doing the arresting....
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