Anyway- after I pulled on my Wellies and fisherman's coat and grabbed my paddles, me and the crew rowed our way to school through the moronic jackasses speeding down Memorial and Voss.....and like a trooper my Shark put her hoodie up and jumped out to venture through the school gates....and I laughed my ass off at the 5th grader who was supposed to be on car pool monitor duty too engrossed in digging in his nose and ass simultaneously to help her with his umbrella....and Shark and I shared a moment of giggles as she stood dripping under the portico and I in the car...and all was right in the world once again....for now....
Next was the Max who as of today will have completed his first week of school....or schul...if you don't get the blue headed Will Ferrell reference..well, then you either don't have kids or you aren't as cool as you think you are.....
So there I deposited him with the other runny snot nosed little tots, and at least today he was delayed in his reaction....meaning it wasn't until I was in the actual car that I heard his shrieks....and then they stopped....here's fingers crossed that meant he was redirected by something and not from crashing his head into a cabinet....we've managed to go one week at school without his Metallica impersonation on chairs....I am beginning to think this is a party trick he saves for at home...or the grocery store...or the mall...or dinner at that fabulous Mediterranean place.....but then he hasn't done it at home in a while either....mmm....maybe there's a connection...
And so it was that I took off to my wonderful wonderful wonderful 8:30-5 with a little more pep in my step because today I get off a half day due to mommy PTA-Room Parent duties...and I'm more than ok with that because I'd rather be putting up with the anxiety, hives, and puffy dampy head of dog hair today from the rain and my $12 dollar Target knock off of being around Hunters Creek Cougars with their $5000 Vuitton's than being stuck in my pitiful cage aka cubicle, running my rat race....ok, so I more resemble a obsese guinea pig than rat, but hey, a rodent's a rodent! They both are a succulent delicacy somewhere....
Where I am going with this I really don't know today....what I do know is how surreal my life has become in the responsibilities that I have taken on with being a law abiding good Samaritan parent....it's strange to me even as I'm hauling ass around in a wagon, complete with those annoying cute cartoon stickers of stick figure families and pets that this is my life....PTA meetings, coffee at 6 am, dance lessons and school pockets and little finger paint pictures plastered on my fridge, and family portraits....what have I become?
What happened to that chain smoking, leather pants and tattooed with heavy eyeliner chick that was balls to the wall, middle finger in the air and all???
Well, she's still around sometimes, trapped in a frumpy housecoat and clogs, waving goodbye at the little girl on the bus or loading up on CapriSuns and Goldfish at Costco...you just can't see the tattoos hidden between the wrinkles and matronly clothes...and the leather pants are traded for the only slim size 1-(on second thought I won't post my size, but leave at that I am EXTREMELY close to leaving the doubles to hit the single digits...again) khakis...and the heavy eyeliner....well I am lucky if I remember to brush my teeth....
Some famous queen (and not the one with a tiara in England...unless there's someone with 5 o'clock shadow hitting the streets of London in drag) once said
"One's real life is so often the life that one does not lead"
And that you illiterate uneducated morons is Oscar Wilde's take on it....and I am inclined to agree.....of course lets excuse the unbelievably and painful obvious irony coming from him....and just try and apply it to our lives....
Is that to mean that this life I am living with baked goods, and freshly cut grass and puppies and pot roasts isn't my real life? What is my real life? the one I follow or the one I choose to follow?
Fuck-my head hurts too much right now from attempting to pontificate and straying from my usual cookie cutter posts of profanities and low crass dick and fart jokes or references....but its true....
And thus I end today on a mildly amusing note because being serious and deep and all that shit isn't me....at least not in the way I just miserably failed..
So here's to the upcoming Valentine's day and all you women out there whose real lives aren't what you're living...at least not until we find one of these.....
if you were offended....well, you're either lying to yourself or to us...makes no difference...you know its the gospel truth. unless its the gender thing and just insert reference to female genitalia if need be.
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