12 more with the help of B.J. flowers and cig's with Marilyn

So today started out real nice....like the Hallmark moment kind of nice...let me rewind first, and say before that Hallmark moment I had a brief panic attack at what the day would hold...and this is simply because I happened to wake up in a puddle again...although this time the young man created more like one of the Great Lakes...and daddy was soaking wet too....somehow I managed to stay dry, and so it was at 4 am we had the changing of the sheets....

I only laugh for two reasons (a) he has a brand new custom big boy he ISN'T sleeping in and still is sleeping with mom and dad in a double bed (which reminds me, I need a bigger bed damnit) (b) he's been sitting on the potty at school...not for actual use, but more a homage to the Thinker or something, sitting with his puggy hand under his chin....and we haven't yet bought a little person potty so it is that diapers are still ruling this situation....

And you are probably asking yourself where is the humor in all that? Well, it's funny because if you can get a visual of all of us stacked in bed its quite entertaining given he's a drifter...and the potty thing is funny because I am left with a searing visual of Kenny Power wrapping a baby in a modified dish towel with duct tape....and I realize that diapers aren't that far a cry from this....

so it is I feared my day was going to go to piss in a sense...until my little bed wetter rolled over and kissed my cheeks and woke up to hug me tight....and other little minion actually manages to get dressed, teeth brushed and hair pulled back without screaming bloody murder...so so far so good.....then she's out the door with step dad to a Breakfast with Buddies sponsored by the HCE Dad's Club (yes, he's become one of those dads) and then a trip to the book fair....where he allows her free reign to buy what she wants, and manages to snag a book for the Maxx...

You have to understand the magnitude of this moment....from hurling insults, protests of authority and general malcontent toward her stepfather she is slowly showing signs that the exaggerated "i hate yous" are more for show, and that stolen moments like these are actually proof she doesn't mind him trying his hand at being dad....if even for a day of donuts and books...

So there they were, my two pig headed loves sharing a moment as father-daughters do while me and the other little piglet sang our way to school, and he waved a puggy peanut butter sticky hand bye-bye as I drove away to arrive at work and my wonderful flowers which for working on their 2nd day look SO AMAZING....I cannot tell you enough how these stupid little things are what make my life, my world....the newest drawings from my little Picasso Max, the little Post It notes my Shark leaves me with awkward hearts, and then the small arrangement of flowers I glance over every 15 minutes to take a whiff of....

What makes me a horribly evil person besides basking in the glow of being sent 'just because' flowers...is that every bitch in my office who has been throw-me-under-the-bus rude, condescending, and downright laughing at me to either my face or behind my back in the bathroom...well every time they walk by they can smell them too...and feel the need to comment or ask for the upteenth time who sent them and why...and they stare in disbelief at the idea that someone can make a gesture without an ulterior motive behind it....or that I didn't send them to myself...and I smile a little vindictive smirk and reply in a sugary sweet voice "why, doesn't your boyfriend/husband/insert noun here send you flowers for no reason?"

Take that blonde bitches....I may live in a shitty tiny cat crate of an apartment, I may drive an 8 year old wagon with 100,000 miles, I may not have a 4 ct glistening rock weighing down my enormous paw of a hand, and I might not have roll out of bed glistening skin....but I have flowers and you DON'T.


Maybe that's too evil...maybe a little too in your face ugly....but come on? It's like getting the bigger slice of cake when at a party or scratching that ticket and winning $50 when the $1 you paid for it with came out of the dryer....or it's like getting that promotion when you seemed like the least likely candidate....not that this has happened to me, but from what I am told by others...its a glorifying feeling...validation maybe even?

Don't get me wrong....I at one time too felt men only sent the obligatory flowers on birthdays, Valentine's and anniversaries because they were expected to.....until I watched my step dad, John, shower my mother with 'just because' flowers and plants, and little obscene cards with PG-13 rated Hallmark messages....leaving them in her sock drawer, her purse, her pillow, on the windshield of her care......A plant arrived every Friday for 2 months when they were dating just because...because he thought of her...because he missed her....because he loved her so much...and so it was I had someday hoped to arrive at the maturity level in a relationship that I too got  j.b. flowers....and not because the sender was expecting a b.j. afterwards....

Well, needless to say that shit didn't happen in my first marriage....unless a rice cooker is on par with a bouquet of flowers.....and so it was that when I started dating Marcus he too was not a romantic person....hell, I was lucky if he held my hand in public....but slowly and surely he's taken a cue from my step dad....and sometimes he surprises me with my own little PG-13 cards, and boxes of chocolates, and random Stems deliveries...

And it totally rocked my world....so going on a 2nd day I am feeling a little more hopeful and awesome at work...It also helps I am working some bad ass F*ck me pumps (insert dead music icon reference here) and a little pencil skirt...I could get used to this whole school marm look....and so it was that I decided I am fearless woman hear me roar, and so it is I am going to tackle those other 13 items I like about myself....and I wonder who was actually reading last night and realized it was 13 and not 12 like I wrote....just a little something to keep you on your toes....


so here it goes (see how that rhymes ?)

8.   my ability to talk to anyone about anything...or rather my ability to find a conversation starter with most walks of life meaning i can fit in at a cotillion, a hoe down, a BBQ, a fiesta with fajitas and a wake with a jig,...I have this ability to overcompensate for my nervousness and awkwardness and insecurity with filling the silence with incessant talking....and 9 out of 10 times it actually works, and someone I wouldn't otherwise have given 2 shits about is asking to hang out, grab coffee or exchange ideas or tasteless jokes...

9.  I could be totally slothful and steal the 4 my dear friend and mentor, Joe, posted on my previous entry, but that is cheating and defeats the purpose of this exercise...so I like...my loyalty....I am not tooting my own horn when I tell you that I have a devout, almost sacred view on friendship and as such have made very few friends who share the same view...but somehow this also goes hand in hand with my propensity to hold a grudge against people who don't reciprocate the same amount of loyalty...which happens more often than you would think.... something about long term commitment to a snarky bitch like me seems to fall at the bottom of a lot of people's lists...

10.  my capacity for love...I need it, I crave it, I enjoy giving it freely and not in a hippy commune sleep with everybody kind of way...in spite of my terribly rough brick exterior I do actually have a some normal humanistic piece of me in there, buried kinda deep that screams for human contact, for the chance to show how much compassion, generosity and life I have to give...and this has only been exponentially compounded by my role as a mother...if there ever was a doubt I knew love, I surely know it now...

11.  my spontaneity....this sounds like an oxymoron given my need to control parts of my life when I have spent the majority of it not being in control at all...but the reality is I am a fly by the seat of my pants kinda of girl....I think I have gravitated in the past few years toward more control, more to-do lists, checklists and itineraries to add a sense of order to the chaos of nothingness...if that makes any sense...but I have my moments, and quite frankly I used to be one hell of a fucking fun gal...one moment sticks out the most in my mind....when I was dating Marcus at the beginning, there was a Friday when Charlotte was with her dad, and Marcus offhandedly and jokingly suggested I fly in for the weekend...two hours later I was checking my bags in at the gate, and 55 minutes later I was touching down in Harlingen.....I skipped off the plane and into the car where he announced we were going camping on the beach...a quick stop for beer, and a tent, and the next thing you know we had a bonfire going and the rest is history...I crave some spontaneity these days, but take it in the form of impromptu breakfasts for dinner, my "just because" flowers and crazy nights munching on chocolates and wine when I should be in bed...

12.  my laugh is something i adore...I always have....just because I am not some pretentious bitch who tries to be dainty, and because I don't put on airs and try to be something I'm not...nor is it loud and obnoxious and forced for show....if you can get a laugh out of me you will be met with a opportunity of a lifetime....it's a la Adele rolling in the deep genuine laugh that comes from my belly and makes my toes crinkle...It's a throaty rumble reminiscent of the heyday of sexy sultry smokers and drinkers...what can I say? I think I'm a brunette Marilyn...hell, I have her fucking measurements which nowadays constitutes over weight candidates for lipo or lap band...

13.  I am out of ideas...


So I made it to 12...this is a lot more difficult than I thought...and I need more time to think about it....and more cake to help that thinking along...

And for those of you who think that's a lame ass cop out for not completing something....you try coming up with 20 things worth liking about you? Not so easy, is it???