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Thursday, January 26, 2012

Batman, Robin and scraps of paper with my unfinished life

Good Morning to all...well, we survived Hump Day as best as we could, and are that much closer to Friday and hauling ass out that door come 5 o'clock....

Yet another morning waking up in my very own water bed....I am beginning to realize I may have what is referred to as a bed wetter on my hands and that this may be that moment when we should start gravitating toward potty training...only he's still so small for his age there's that whole predicament of the husband who leaves the damn seat up and fear my 2 yr old son will get flushed away....

But let me move on because this is beginning to sound like a parenting blog for Huggies flushable wipes or pull-ups, and I am anything except one of those cutesy moms with the advice on products and homemade crafts and cookies...my shit still kicks all those other moms asses, but talking about it incessantly isn't my style....look at me, I already wasted a whole paragraph more than I intended...

So moving right along, it's Thursday and my to do list has turned into some epic figment of my imagination because its seems no matter how hard I try, nothing gets accomplished and subsequently crossed off, and then more and more crap gets added....

Take for example the current list I made last night when the rest of the household was able to lumber off to their respective beds (prior to puddles) and slip into REM while I paced and paced, racking my brain as to how to swing all that I have to...

Here is that list and most has to be done by my tomorrow:


1.  Finish discoveries and interrogatories (a nasty little inconvenience and intrusion of paperwork...)
   *Note: Half-way done, but had to stop because my blood pressure spiked and I started looking for pointed sharp objects

2.  Construct a strict budget to fit in cost of school tuition for Madd Maxx
  *Note: Husband was supposed to help make this decision, but decided to fall asleep in a warm, DRY bed and leave me to make on my own.

3.  Finish planning 3rd Grade Valentine's parties.....
 *Note: still waiting on teachers to decide what they would like...so another probably last minute thing as if the stress and nervousness of being around HCE Cougar mom's isn't scary enough...

 *Second Note: take a Paxil and a blood pressure pill that day

4. Quiz Shark on spelling

5. Quiz Shark on math facts

6.  Clean Maxx's room
 * Note: donate LOADS of shit to Goodwill

7. Complete the pile of shit on my desk at work so that come Friday I leave a clean desk
   *Note: ha-ha...right


I could keep going but my hand is starting to hurt and my neck as well from craning to read my handwriting penned at 11 pm....Suffice to say I will go through and mark them off at random as completed and no telling when this might occur or if even....so when did the first to-do list come about? I mean is that a fact when can Google or Wiki? Whose responsible for inventing, developing this concept of keeping track of a list of duties we must do which is essentially a huge adult CHORE list and then calling it a "to-do" list to make it sound less oppressing or depressing....because it doesn't help....

I mean I could make thousands and never actually finish half of them...the short, 3-5 lister for Sundays or Saturdays get done quite frequently....but the week ones-shhh..hell no! and there's that huge emphasis on the 'N' in the no....and then you have the whole art of errand to-do lists and then goals to-do lists, and then actual things you have to physically do.....I mean I could dissect the whole subject, and probably attempt to write a real poorly received (and written) windbag of a thesis on this alone...which no sane person would read, but I have somewhat of a valid point, right? Who needs the added stress in today's life of evil to-do lists?

Its like automatically setting yourself up for failure because how many of us (save for those weekend lists) make feasible to-do lists? And actually finish everything? Oh...everyone, but me? Fuck...I can see where the problem lies: me.

So how do you all do it? how do you all reach super caped avenger status with juggling everything life throws at you and still managing to hit the balls out of the park without tripping on that cape...or smashing a window on the Bat Mobile?   Perhaps I just need to recognize I am not a structured person who has enough discipline to follow through on anything...hell, the fact that this relationship has lasted this long shocks even me...and my kids seem to be pretty well rounded, healthy, and not wondering Walmart's or neighborhoods unsupervised...in fact, minus the bed wetting and door slamming from my almost 9 going on 14 year old, they are downright the best thing I followed through on....and second to that is this blog project/hobby/I don't know what the hell this is thing.

Really, how do you guys do it? How is it that people can manage to pay attention or focus or prioritize long enough to do these completely mundane and normal things I have spent my whole life trying to do.

So where was I going with this you ask? That's a good damn question...maybe I should add that to my long stretched to-do list...but then that's half the fun in these little rants, and gurglings....I don't know where they're going..they just come out....so today's is beginning to shape into another commentary on my idiosyncrasies....wasting time making lists I never finish....so does this mean my life is nothing but a bunch of unfinished lists? Will I die with boxes full of scraps of yellowed paper, stained with the bleeding ink of tasks I never marked off?

Well shit...I don't want to go out like that...maybe I should make a bucket list...and add finishing what I start to that list...with a sub heading of to-do lists...

And the first thing I have to on that to-do list is wash some more goddamn sheets...and maybe go out and invest in some rubber ones....

So here's to another day behind a cramped desk, another ride in gridlock traffic served up complete with a long ass to-do list...and some of my humble pie when you realize you too might be a person who cannot master the art of to-do lists...

As for the rest of you-let's see how well you do at getting those things checked off before you judge us that don't....and if you do...well if you do I haven't thought of a snarky wise ass cracking comeback..
it's number 11 on my to-do list.







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