In contrast to yesterday, I am sitting in the dark at 6:30 am with Madd Maxx who has a tummy ache and gas watching Kung Fu Panda 2 for the umpteenth time when I would have loved more than nothing than to be finishing the last book I downloaded to Charlotte's Kindle...from two months ago.... and I am reminded that life isn't always how we plan it, no matter how hard I try....Lazy Sunday will now be more laundry, a trip to the zoo and hopefully a nap from both my hellions so I can catch a moment to breath....
I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I have mapped out plans for life only to have a wrench thrown in them in the form of a nasty little habit which landed me in NA, a poor choice in dating, a bipolar ex-husband, a single mother trying her hand at college only to take on husband number 2, and then baby number 2.....to put college on hold for that J-O-B we all so despise... wait. Let me stop there because it sounds more like this is turning into a pity fest with wads of tissues and lame ass excuses as to why I haven't finished yet another thing I started...
Let me say I chose to put school on hold for the sake of my sanity....because right now juggling everything on my plate I would in no way focus on making the stellar grades I once did in the past..because I felt it slipping away for the sake of everything else, and need a moment to step back so I could focus on motherhood and have learned I'm not entirely successful at that either...what can I say, its that whole unrealistic expectations thing...making plans that seem ridiculously impossible..I will go back...its just a matter of time...and I am feeling that 7 year itch so I know its soon...
so I set out this year to forgo plans or rather reduce them to nothing above a certain caliber...I am going to take charge of my destiny, my life, hell the overweight, greying slob I have become and whip my own ass into shape, and take charge of what remains of my life today....but in such a way I can actually succeed and check this off as done on my to do list....
a wise great man once said "Assume responsibility"...hell, it's even available on t-shirt from Cafe Press and permeated in the brains of numerous clueless students who left his class at semester's end a little more confident and a little more focused and informed on who they could be, who they were and where they were going.....I say a little because sadly sometimes there would be that one who proved even hopeless for someone as influential as him. What started as a degree requirement turned out to be better than the $125/hr therapy I was getting twice a week in West U....I managed to tap into a part of myself and my brain I never used or even thought of using and touching onto topics I have only ever explored in my wildest dreams...or doodles on paper....
Finally there was a method to the craziness that has been churning in my head all these years, to draw on all the fucked up things I seen, experienced, and done...in one semester he showed me I had something so much bigger in me than what I thought, and that now when I spoke, when I wrote, someone was listening....most of all he taught me that if I wrote something worth a shit, then I was a shit worth listening to....and this resonates with me now, sitting in bed next to my gaseous 2 year old, and I feel just a little better about myself today...it makes me eternally grateful I took his class in the first place...and motivated that much more to show him his time, his guidance, his faith in me and my writing was not a waste, and that I will show everyone one day what is in me, what I am capable of....just as soon as I know what that is...
As for someone who I know has found the path that Aimone so gently guided him to explore in himself, check out his series of plays on YouTube...this man is going somewhere even if he doesn't know the destination....I'm serious...I secretly aspired to be him when we were in class together and personally saw him as one of my competition to try and out write....if something like that could had even been possible...so here's his linkhttp://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fplaylist%3Flist%3DPL4CB0675AABF381C8%26feature%3Dviewall&h=sAQFzmU7L-this is a shout out to Rob, my #1 fan ! (inside joke....wouldn't that be damn sanctimonious of me to put that after I came off as posting some self degradation -what a bitch I'd be, right?)
Well...my little spitfire ball of farts and now giggles is requesting pancakes, so I have to rise and face today...today which on a quick note is my 21st day of my vegan kick...which I am thinking of continuing simply out of the fear of wrapping my head around having to go back to eating meat....but that's a post for another time...
Back to this not so lazy Sunday and all I am going to make it offer me....or I'll threaten it with leaving the 2 year old behind....
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