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Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Waterbeds and sausages...the stuff my nights are made of

Well....it's that time again...ok, a little later than usual...instead of 5:30 am, it's 6 am due to a crisis at 3:47 am where I woke up in a puddle...due to my 2 year olds overactive bladder....thus followed changing of the sheets (just as solemn and serious as the changing of the guard), changing of pj's which inevitably woke the terrorist as he is so aptly referred to... and then a restless, tossing and turning for the rest of the night/morning...

So is this an omen for the rest of the day? Starting my morning in a puddle of piss? Or is it just another exciting adventure in parenthood? Either way, its going to be a rough day....one I wish I didn't have to survive without caffeine, but since I vowed it off along with processed food then I have to suck it up and get through today on sheer will alone...and maybe a 15 minute power nap in my car during lunch...

You're probably asking what does one do when woken up in that manner at the ass crack of dawn? Well, in my case you lay awkwardly on your freshly changed sheets (awkwardly because you still subconsciously think they are wet) and you pray that quietly watching Cars will send your rambunctious toddler stepping on your bladder back to the land of Nod...and that you won't be the next to leak all over the bed...but at your age with 2 kids you beg the Gods you don't cough or sneeze because it could be a real possibility....

With all the tossing and turning and then a husband who had to screw it up just as I was slipping back into a quosi mode of sleep by going to shower and turning on lights and shit....I gave up. I gave up on any shred of hope that I would get my 8 hours of sleep, and instead chose to lie silently staring at the ceiling, counting sheep...or goats...or insert your animal of preference here...because then my mind began to wonder and I started thinking about where I was going with this blog...what topics would be more interesting and amusing to the few people kind enough to care what fucked up stuff comes strewing out of my head, my ovary...(like how I worked that shameless plug/tie in thing there??)

Well, I drew a big blank....because let's face it I could spend 365 days posting shit about being vegan and my diet, but even I could tired as hell of hearing it, and then I should contact Whole Foods to start paying ME for all the ad time....Do I keep adding anecdotes of my hilarious and bumpy ride with a 9 year old and 2 year old? Or do I keep it in the style with which it started of just rambling on about whatever I could, would at the moment? Like a stream of unfiltered consciousness?  Hell, I could create an amazing following with reposting other people's hilarious shit from Facebook alone....try this one on for a smile and giggle...seen on a wall of a friend of my husband's...."Men say, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free....Women say, why by the pig for such a little sausage."

If you didn't laugh your ass off at that one or deem it worthy enough to share then you need to stop reading this, subscribing to this, and be ashamed that even if you don't curse or say blasphemous things,   you have to admit shit like that makes you laugh...and the good laugh from the toes to the belly....

I could write stuff about all the FANTASTIC and BRILLIANT minds out there that I am honored to have held an audience with...from the great buddy, Rob, who pushed me along with my BBF (Best Bitch Forever) Danielle to a young singing sensation I used to babysit way back in the day at 5...who's now 19 and still rocking with a kick ass voice....to even my lech of an old man, my step-father, John, who will be making his first appearance on radio on Bayou City Conjure Radio@LiveLocalHouston.com tonight from 7-9pm to talk about his oil guru magic....for those of you who don't already know, he's Pagan, manages the Magick Cauldron...and makes a mean ass green chicken curry I so used to love....

So if you were in my shoes, what you would entice and engage your readers with? Or are you like me, and really don't give a crap because this is your blog and they don't have to read it if they don't want? Or should I remember its all of you that keep me motivated...that keep me hopeful....that make me look forward to getting up in the morning...because it makes me feel validated....makes me tingle with warm fuzzies that people care what I have to say....or type....

I feel my terrorist stirring and need to move quick to avoid catastrophe.....or another homemade attempt at a water bed.....I bid you a great day in spite of the horrible furious weather we have in store....make it worth while....or at the least worth someone blogging about....

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